One of our goldfish is dying, the little dude. we call them “de gasten” which means “the dudes” in dutch.the day before yesterday he started sinking to the bottom, non active with big open eyes.
i actually love my fish, strange as it may sound to many people. And it pains me to see that the last 2 days he’s been laying there, breathing heavily and trying to maintain, while i’m looking for cures and answers that seem to be (as so often when concerning animals) non existent or at least very non uniform. i just hope he’s not scared. Im in the jury for cinekid, rating websites and video games and what not,one of the last ones being “i am a vet”. how ironic. On monday i put on my amsterdam T shirt. It was a gift from Stefano’s parents. after he died, a few years ago. he was young and healthy. there was no rhyme or reason to his death.
i thought about it for a good hour that day and reflecting on death thru an amsterdam shirt, my thoughts go as wild as anyone’s. weirdly enough i recalled that i saw someone drown in front of me when his boat was run over and that made me think of how i wanted to launch radio controlled shark fins in the river . I wondered if Guy Champney would be into doing that with me since we never got around to dressing up the standing stone art piece on the Overtoom as a big human heart. Then, the day after that, two people died. Jan, a colleague of kelli, i didnt know him that well, besides the few beers i had with him and that he remembered my name way before i did his and Guy Champney, also a colleague of kelli, but whom i considered a friend as well. alltho our plans of getting closer never made it far enough, life was too short, if we would have only known how short.We exchanged emails on animations and which parts we liked the best and for what reason. Named birds and their sounds and on every occasion we saw each other kissed, hugged and planned to , after finishing the conversation we were in to go hang out. we’d also always just miss each other and would send a message ; dude, where are you. why did you leave so early?There is no profoundness in any of my words, many people have expressed all of our feelings way better than i possibly could. I usually insist that life is lovely, but i find it difficult to find that right now. What i’ m certain of tho, is that tonight i am sleeping with a Dude and a Guy.